An Ex-Expat’s Neighborhood

I am not sure if I should be proud, but I wish I didn't feel guilty. I ditched Tuesday, who has been wanting to see me for a few weeks. Problem is that Tuesday wants to meet on the early weekdays, when I have the most reading to do. I have made excuses the past couple weeks and this week Tuesday asked if we could spend the night together since there is a national holiday on Wednesday. I said that it would be perfect and got excited about the date, reassuring him that I will be able to make it, he hinted at big plans and inviting people.

That was Saturday morning. Saturday evening Ryu also asked me about the upcoming Tuesday. I told him I already had plans and that I couldn't see him. He accepted this without questioning further. But I really enjoyed being with him that night and realised that I would rather spend Tuesday with him.

What to do, what to do? One thing about me, I never ditch people; even if I am sick and sleepy, I never skip class. Even if it costs me something, I will be there if I promised you that I would be. I am offended when people are late, and I take pains not to be. So, I am not the type to switch plans like this. I struggled all day with the decision. But I called both parties in the evening after much mental struggle.

Ryu said that he had accepted that he would not see me on Tuesday, but now was so relieved. I felt like such a loser telling him that I wanted to see him and that I had changed plans. But it was the truth. I had to lie to Tuesday though.

Tuesday knows I am seeing someone else, I mentioned it on Saturday. I refused to give details about who it was. I don't think it matters to Tuesday, it just makes my excuses about school seem less credible.

I won't get into detail about the phone call, but there were lots of plans for us on Tuesday. Difficult arrangements were made, people were sent away, people were invited and dinner was arranged. All this preparation for me, I felt so selfish when I lied straight into the phone and said that I have too much work to do.

Ryu better be extremely worthwhile tonight.

P.S. I hung out with a bunch of CIA agents at the Deca Hotel (bad memories of that place!) last night, they were recruiting from my university. They invited Jackson school students for an analysis game, testing our analysis skills and showing us what it's like to work as an intelligence analyst. In the end, I decided it would be kind of boring and tough to be an analyst, but being a spy and getting the intelligence would be interesting. I am still considering applying to the CIA.

"My love for Albertine had been but a transitory form of my devotion to youth."

Marcel Proust

 

 

A curious sign on a gate in the countryside, reading: Please do not spit, or throw stones, etc. in field. No trespassers allowed'. Grange- over-Sands, Lancashire.

The world is going to hell in a hand basket. But it is no one's fault.

When we were building our house a few years ago, everytime we questioned a mistake or poor workmanship we were told that "the apprentice did that". They always blamed the youngest and newest member of the team. The last few days we have been trying to sort out financing and purchase of a company car. The excuse this time is that "we didn't get the fax". This is also an excuse I was given frequently from publishers when I worked in the Basement of Discontent. No one ever says "I made a mistake", "I didn't  notice" or "I can't locate it". The blame is always put back onto someone else, or back on you. The fax didn't arrive it must mean you made a mistake/didn't send it/whatever guilt they can apply to you.

Then you have to make a series of phone calls just to get someone to refax the damn thing. When you do, they tell you that you missed the cut of by 46 seconds and they can't do anything about it until next day. Sorry, even if it is heart transplant surgery and you are lying with your chest ripped open and your dying heart exposed waiting for the replacement, if you can't get off that table and refax your form then there is nothing they can do.

I hate being cynical, but it is all getting to much. The same people think that customer service is speaking poilitely to you, and being friendly and smiling, not actually doing their job in a speedy and efficient manner. Actually complete a simple task in the time available - they say no, no, no!

I have spent a long time in various service positions and I have always found that the easiest way to do my job was to do it efficently and as soon as possible. It actually decreased the stress in my life, and made other people happy. Win/win situation for all. Problems got attended to immediately and flexibility a given. From little things big things don't always have to grow.

So, I can't help but wonder when these same people all arrive to speak with the Big Whatever just what excuses they will give. Who will they blame? When they lie dying on their hospital bed, who will they blame for all the wrongs they did? Will the messes in their lives be thrown upon the shoulders of someone else? I suspect they will revert to habit and look for a scapegoat, but they will really know, won't they? They will know that they could have done better. And if there is any justice in the world, if the Big Whatever turns them away from the doorstep, I hope the Big Whatever just gives one shrug of the mighty shoulders and says "Not my fault, it was all up to you.".

 

Just got this email from my mama:

I sent you coffee and birthday card. I enclosed ichimanen [10,000yen]. Not much but you can buy some winter underwear or something. Be happy. Love you, Mother

And this was a line in an email from Tik (in reference to the fact that I might be over-watering the giant cactus from Fuckwater and killing it):

I don't think Fuckwater's giant penis (cactus needs) water twice a week. I'd do that every two weeks and even then, that might be too much. Don't kill it, its amazing.

Laughing my pants off. Going to work now.

Are you prepared in case of a natural disaster? What do your plan and preparations include?

lol, what a strange question! Are we expecting one then?

I'm obsessive compulsive enough thanks. If I start worrying about potential natural disasters I'll be a nervous wreck.

Although, we are going to Thailand at christmas time, and I must admit that the thought has crossed my mind as I run on the treadmill each morning, that'll I'll be right to run a long way up into the mountains if a tsunami hits. Maybe even carrying one small child on my back. Which rules out my kids because they're all much bigger than me. Which is good because I won't have to do the Sophies Choice thing.

Remember when everyone was freaking out about the Y2K thing? I said to Daz, maybe we should stock up on food. And when the year 2000 clicked over with no problems I looked in the laundry and we had stocked one bottle of water and a 4 pack of baked beans. It was a pretty piss poor effort really. We'd have lasted a morning.

I think to be prepared for a natural disaster the best thing you can do is forget about supplies and just stock up on weapons. Lots of guns and ammo. Thats your best bet, because you're going to have to kill a lot of crazy desperate people to get to the supermarket and the bottle shop. Maybe even zombies. I'm not sure what sort of disaster we're talking about. Oh yes,there they are,  I wasn't looking properly. No zombies, so that makes it a bit easier.

And nail polish. Stock up on nail polish. Because new nail polish always makes you feel better.

My new bottles arrived in the mail the other day.

I'm wearing blue at the moment. But I'm wishing I'd picked Calypso.

 

84

 

 

Night 1:

Flamingo Dancer returns from the bathroom and Mr FD asks:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Yes," said I. "They were bar-b-queing the yaks"

"I hope there are some leftovers for breakfast" he says and goes back to sleep.

 

Night 2:

Mr FD returns from the bathroom and I  ask:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Dragons!" Mr FD exclaims. "I am sick of slaying dragons. Day in, day out, nothing but dragon slaying. At least they could keep it down to one a day." He returns to bed and goes back to sleep.

 

Dragons and yaks in our backyard...the neighbours are not going to be happy at all.

It is well into November now and the cold weather reflects the date on the calendar. Last week's strange sunshine and strong showers, loud thunder and bright lightening have left Seattle, replaced with biting cold I am all too familiar with.

Luckily I did not have to spend last night alone.

I was invited to a few parties, all of which were dismissed by Ryu when he came to my house. He wanted to stay in. I didn't resist. We drank a little wine, I, a single glass slowly, he, a bit more. We spoke quite a lot, mostly I asked about him. I like how he answers my questions without hiding anything, without faltering to think. I like how he speaks about his family, not detached but with an adult appreciation.

I asked him if he liked hot chocolate. He said yes. I made two cups of cocoa for us. I think he was pleased. He told me, No girl has ever made anything for me, only my mother and my sister. Who would have thought such a simple thing would make him smile?

His older, only sister is an opera singer, and he told me that he respects her because she works so hard to forward her dream. Needless to say, opera singing isn't exactly the easiest career path to follow, much less in Japan, of all places. He told me that she hardly goes out and he thinks she has never had a regular boyfriend.

I told him I will be sad when he returns to Kyoto. He sympathised and said that he wanted to bring me with him and keep me at his house. I joked about how his traditional grandmother would react to the new foreign addition to the family. He laughed and said that she wasn't so bad, his cousin recently married a foreigner after all.

He told me that he wants to visit me. He told me that he thinks it is good that I want to study so much, that I want to go to New York. He thinks I should do what I want to do. I told him that I don't want to be lonely any more. I don't want to be alone like his big sister.

He told me that I won't be lonely. I asked him why he thought so. He said, because I am changing.

I hate the Korean. I hate him with a passion, he makes me want to throw up, he makes my skin crawl, I can't STAND him, and I want him to disappear.

He is disgusting.

I wish sleeping was like recharging your batteries. Like it's 9:24pm right now, and I'm planning on being asleep by 9:30pm, and hopefully sleeping for nine beautiful hours. How awesome would it be if that meant I didn't have to sleep the next day? But life doesn't work like that.

I've cleaned my room, but haven't done the laundry yet. That will have to wait until Tuesday.

Goodnight, y'all.