The Best of Plans go Awry So Often

Wife had her birthday, which bycoincidence is the day after mine, and a couple of days before, there was a card for her in the mail, signed as it turned out, by the HR and administrative staff at the store she works at. A nice touch to be sure, but as is often the case,  my wife felt she had to perform the rite of 御返し to set the world right, at least for her.

So she busted ass preparing sabayon pastries, one each for the persons who signed the card, meaning me going out buying rum and liqueur and other ingredients, and having to listen/watch her whip herself into yet another frantic frenzy.

Well turns out when she went finalize her rite of 御返し, there was nobody at home so to speak and she had to divvy up the goodies to others.

Now having lived in Japan as long as I have, I understand 御返し, and the practical /cultural reasons for doing so.  But this is the U.S., where I see the rules as being different, and even if we were still living in Japan, I think she has always taken the need for御返し a bit too far.

Sure its always a nice thing to reciprocate a favor done on your behalf, no matter which culture you live in.  But it doesn't have to be done immediately nor for every single nice/thoughtful act nor should it be treated as a moral milestone.  To me, a simple 'Thanks' is sufficient and perhaps later on if the opportunity  presents itself, to do the other person a good turn, or if not to do someone else a good turn.

 Frankly I am glad wife was not able to do her御返, as it stood a good chance of being misunderstood by others in the store of　ごますり.