10 posts tagged “japanese culture”

Well, yesterday we finally got son's 1st quarter Japanese grade, an 'A', the first he's gotten in the subject.  After all the years of hectoring from his mother, you'd think she'd have said something -like 'Hey, you did it, I knew could!'.  Nope, which did not go unnoticed by son.  So the box score is 1 'B' and the rest, 'A's'.   Almost night and day from his junior year performance, which wasn't horrible, but was desultory.  Its sobering to realize that may have been influenced by my own unemployed and at home situation.

I 'get' the why's of lack of fulsome praise from his mother and in general why Asian parents don't jump up and down  for joy when their children bring home outstanding academic reports; its 当り前.  But this isn't Asia, as I have reminded his mother and that it wouldn't hurt to show son how pleased you are with his school work. The reaction to that has been along the lines of 'so he should be praised for even having a successful bowel movement?'

One of the many things I have learned in life is, life is a matter of balances and that sure any parent especially one suffering from 親ばか  can go overboard with the praise for children.  On the other hand,  culture aside, people are people and a good word  after some good performance won't bring the world order down either. 

Have always wondered how healthy the reluctance of Japanese/Asian parents to show some outward joy and appreciation of their children's' performance  to their children really is and how such affects personality?

From a Sake Dojo Alumni.

My reaction, WTF?????

On a professional networking site I belong to, there's an interesting discussion going on about experience in workplace bullying in Japan.  

I've put my own 2 cents in as  have others and the comments together, make for an interesting picture.

For myself, I cannot say I was the recipient or workplace bullying while in Japan, but I saw plenty of it.  In my own opinion it was tolerated for many reasons.  One cultural; or 'gaman　根性' (have I just made up a new word??).   Another is the idea that this is tame ni naru stuff, or tough love much like a supposedly long-gone master apprentice relationship  of old that one would otherwise be  surprised to see alive and flourishing in even a large Japanese company.

Yet another is cold calculus; that the bully may be what he/she is and is making life miserable for those who report to them, but that objectives are being met, and if it means bullying, so be it.   An personal example of this was the chief engineer tasked with the responsibility of rolling out the first in a series of now a very successful luxury car line.  He already had a 'rep' as being  a  difficult person to work for.  I can still remember well the day I had some business at his department and when I arrived, he was red-faced and screaming at the top of his lungs at his underlings, who were seasoned engineers in their own right, as if they were school children.  And they just hunched over and took it.  But the initial launch was a roaring success so,....

Last I feel is that even today, with some fluidity in the job market, an employee in a Japanese company still has nowhere else to go. Sure they can request a transfer, but the approval for that comes from the manager, who if is the bully.....

And  final observation, these people are not turned into workplace  monsters  as they pass through the corporate portals at a company's 入社式, its nurtured and enabled waaaaaay before that.

There were a couple of books mentioned.  Fear and Trembling, is a novel I am going to try and find, which covers I am told 職場いじめ  . The other, a book I have read,  is called The Accidental Office Lady which also touches a bit on職場いじめ.

Son brought this book back from his ONU camp, partially read by him back and threw it on my lap with a 'You might want to read this.' 

Funny that I've never heard of the book, which I am reading now. See it as a 'how-to' for aspiring samurai of old, variant of 五輪の書, translated into English perhaps as a window into the 'inscrutable' or guidebook for corporate go-go climbers here.

I am glad I am reading in now though instead of way back in the day when I first landed in the Land of Wa at Haneda (that's right, Haneda).  It would have been too abstract to make sense out of/have meaning.

Reading some of the passages, I silently nod my head as I can remember experiencing-observing things mentioned in the book in corporate Japan.  Guess somethings never change, they just morph to fit the times.

Had a start the other day.  Was taking son of son's leftover laundry back into his closet and when finished putting it away, was startled for a very brief moment as someone was sleeping in his bed and he of course is not here at the moment.

Wife was sound asleep there.  Why?  Perhaps its a latent maternal thing with the son's scent somehow playing into it. Could also be she's bored with sleeping on the floor on one of the Japanese futons we have too.

Son BTW, seems to be doing well in the どう田舎. Figgered he was out, away from the school yesterday, and in an area covered by AT&T and called.  He and his group were at a Japanese market and he was getting ready to buy some お餅　he said, but I'll bet it was really　だんご.   Had thought/hoped they'd be taken to Cedar Point, which I am told has some wicked roller coasters, but I guessed wrong.

Wife had her birthday, which bycoincidence is the day after mine, and a couple of days before, there was a card for her in the mail, signed as it turned out, by the HR and administrative staff at the store she works at. A nice touch to be sure, but as is often the case,  my wife felt she had to perform the rite of 御返し to set the world right, at least for her.

So she busted ass preparing sabayon pastries, one each for the persons who signed the card, meaning me going out buying rum and liqueur and other ingredients, and having to listen/watch her whip herself into yet another frantic frenzy.

Well turns out when she went finalize her rite of 御返し, there was nobody at home so to speak and she had to divvy up the goodies to others.

Now having lived in Japan as long as I have, I understand 御返し, and the practical /cultural reasons for doing so.  But this is the U.S., where I see the rules as being different, and even if we were still living in Japan, I think she has always taken the need for御返し a bit too far.

Sure its always a nice thing to reciprocate a favor done on your behalf, no matter which culture you live in.  But it doesn't have to be done immediately nor for every single nice/thoughtful act nor should it be treated as a moral milestone.  To me, a simple 'Thanks' is sufficient and perhaps later on if the opportunity  presents itself, to do the other person a good turn, or if not to do someone else a good turn.

 Frankly I am glad wife was not able to do her御返, as it stood a good chance of being misunderstood by others in the store of　ごますり.

A fellow Sake Dojo Alumni  sent me this vid clip, created by a Japanese guy.  Very cool to watch.

Farming, according to this article, may be the salvation for those unfortunate souls left behind by corporate Japan, who had in an unspoken social contract,  promised to be with them in good times and bad'

Farming is as the article says, hard, hard work. But there is sometimes a sense of satisfaction of seeing  some tangible results from your own labor.

Also reminded me of my own experience, living in the northern most reaches of Toyota-shi, in a村  with its own rules.    As we were in a  村  we were considered, after deliberation, exempt, which was both good and bad.  Nothing was expected of us so when it came time for all to assemble and do communal weeding, we weren't expected to join in.  But on the other hand,  we were sort of tolerated but not fully accepted.

Also living in Central Japan, while looked down upon by east ( 東京) and west (関西 ) of us,  had its advantages in that if you needed to get out to some uncluttered greenery,  you need only drive perhaps 50 minutes or so towards the mountains, and you would find yourself in countryside.

Got this clip from a friend in CA. Supposedly,  Waco is touting  ふんどし as an alternative  for women to tight-fitting western undies.  Sent the clip onto a friend I have in Nagoya, who dropped her jaw in disbelief, thinking this was all some sort of  やらせ.

やらせ or not,  looking at the fit, I can't see it being too practical for women wearing close-fitting dresses, skirts or slacks and perhaps more suited for someone wearing 和服  most of the time?

Very foggy this morning as I drove wife to work and was driving a bit slower than I normally would  in case a pedestrian or jogger decided to cross in front of me.

Mentioned  to her son had said to me once,  after I pointed out to him that he needed to be more aware of pedestrians, that he had said that it would not be that big a deal if  he hit a pedestrian and he/she was at fault.  My reply to him  that was even if you were not deemed at fault, would you want this on your conscience for the rest of your life?

That drove (no pun intended) wife into her あら捜し mode. About how son should not be getting his license yet and what sort of child has be become, blah, blah blah.  Also opined that even if he'd have to deal with a lawyer if son struck a pedestrian because of  前方不注意.

True, I can imagine the struckee hiring a lawyer to press a claim in a civil suit, but the rules here are a bit different.  This isn't as she still has trouble realizing, Japan.   

In the U.S., while one is licensed to drive a motor vehicle, having one is more or less an inalienable right. In Japan, I was told over and over by Japanese no less , that the underlying principle is that the individual should not own a car, much less operate one. Hence  前方不注意,  a Japanese word I the meaning of which I conceptually understand, but find it awkward to put into English. To me前方不注意 is a furoshikui-like word and concept to put the onus/responsibility on a driver for an accident, even when short of being clairvoyant and having supernatural reflexes, the accident was unavoidable.  And this was more than an abstract situation for me, as I did own cars(2) and drove while in Japan. 

Perhaps前方不注意 grows out of cultural concepts on sharing responsibility for something gone wrong and/or  protecting the weaker party. Perhaps that culturally Japan just does not accept that it is a motor vehicle society now. 

But again, while I certainly would not want to hit a pedestrian who crossed in front of me as I drive, I am glad the rules here recognize that fault does not always lie with the operator of a motor vehicle and that unfortunately not all accidents are avoidable.